The Many Thoughts of Wanda Kidd

I used to think there were only two ways people handled problems: some ask permission, and others ask for forgiveness. But there’s a third type—the ones who demand, “What are you going to do about it?” This attitude, often seen in bullies, frustrates me most. It’s a mindset that says damage is done and responsibility is dismissed. While women have long faced this, men are confronting it more now. We see this attitude everywhere. National leaders alter historical buildings with no recourse. Authorities expose sensitive information because, “What are you going to do about it?” Whether it’s neighborly disputes or schoolyard cruelty, the unspoken challenge remains: “What are you going to do about it?”

When it comes to the ‘What are you going to do about it?’ people, limited imagination and fear of being disliked hold us back.

In college, I was a residence assistant in a nine-story dorm. I was a non-traditional student who had had some pretty challenging life experiences. I thought I could make this work. As it turned out, I only managed for two quarters. Being a women’s RA in a women’s dorm that only offered limited visitation was a nightmare. The Resident director’s apartment was on my hall, which added to my sense of obligation to fulfill the rules.

Early on, I explained the expectations to the girls. I did not have a boyfriend, so I was not sympathetic to their romantic escapades. If they wanted to find me a boyfriend, maybe we could talk; until then, these are the rules. It worked pretty well. They also did not find me a boyfriend.

However, they must have passed on these guidelines to their male companions and explained that they did not want to make me mad. That seemed to be an irresistible gauntlet for the guys across campus. They hid in closets when I came to do a head check at midnight. If the girls’ unease and shifting eyes didn’t tip it off, their coat left on the bed in plain sight did. I do not know what made me madder. Was it the blatant rule-breaking? Or was it the fact that they assumed I was so stupid? Did they think I was so powerless that “What are you going to do about it?” screamed from their behavior? Their arrogance grew because our student court had disbanded for the year. This left little recourse against their brazen disregard for the rules.

I will not belabor some of my responses or actions. Mostly, I just stood firm. I walked with them down the hall and put them in the elevator. One day, I knew that I had succeeded in breaking the pattern. I was getting on the elevator in the lobby. Two guys without escorts (one of the rules) got on with me. I turned and asked them where they were going. They told me the 9th floor. Ok, I said, just don’t come onto my hall without an escort. To which they replied, “Are you the B___ on 6 west?” Though taken aback, I smiled and said, “Why, yes, I am”. They said, “Don’t worry, we will not be coming on your hall.” I think they meant it as an insult, a put-down, a “Gotcha.” Still, I smiled all the way to 6 west.

In the face of “What are you going to do about it? “people, be creative. As the angel said to a bunch of people in the Bible, ” Fear not”. They won’t like you if you stand your ground. Rejoice in that. Always offer a sincere smile; it drives them crazy. Be brave. Find allies who see through such tactics. I believe that re-framing a situation is imperative when you feel that you have been pushed into a corner. Have a plan for how you could address it. If you say the truth out loud to no one but yourself, it goes a long way. You might be the only one who needs to acknowledge this. Recognize internally that the “What are you going to do about it?” person is wrong, and you are right, or at least not wrong. That internal gravitas will take you a long way.